I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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