you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
