He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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