Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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