I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
