Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
