ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
