youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
