last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
