I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
