girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
