Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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