I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
