i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize