I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
