one two three fourrrrnication!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
