Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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