I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
