That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
