Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.