I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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