it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
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I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
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I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.