I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present