she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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