It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
