My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
