I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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