You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
