I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
