my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
