You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Come see our sink grown plant.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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