She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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