I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
