i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize