bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
