sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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