Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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