Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
