"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
