that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
