I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
