I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
