im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
