You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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