Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
