I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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