mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
