I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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