I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
