Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
