She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
