Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
