It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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