dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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