that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.