youre lurking in front of me
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.