there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.