I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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