I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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