I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
