He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
