Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
