So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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