I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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