I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
