if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I looked at my own cervix.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
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How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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