I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
