just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
