If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
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We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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