i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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