If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
