Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
